Prolonging the Agony

You know that sinking feeling you get when you realize an artist has gone the wrong direction with their music? I was reminded of this last week when my friend Steve asked me if the Strokes second album was any good, to which I replied it had been very disappointing. Somehow they got all wrapped up in the drugs and the girls and forgot what made them so interesting in the first place – their music. It happens a lot, and to a great many more talented bands than the Strokes. Often, they never recover.

It’s not just music either. There’s an axiom that states that every great talented x has a primetime during when they have their best production. It happens with basketball players and theoretical physicists, so it shoudn’t surprise us when it happens to musicians. Of course for some musicians primetime is a single song. In the case of Men Without Hats or Big Country, mercifully so.

The best move is to die before a slide can occur, ala Mozart, the only problem being that you no longer produce anything and your catalog becomes stale. On the other hand, you can lead a long productive life as a musician and eventually it will still seem stale, e.g. Haydn. Not that Haydn was a bad composer but when you start numbering your symphonies in the hundreds maybe it’s time to hang up the quill. I mean, how many versions of the “The Clock” symphony can you hear and still view it as fresh?

For mediocre musicians there’s an even greater risk of not knowing when to quit. This leads to what I call prolonging the agony. We don’t tend to view the composers of antiquity as having needed to stop sooner, otherwise they wouldn’t be great enough to be remembered in the first place, but what about Weezer? They just need to end the suffering already. Pop music is rife with examples. For instance I might say the top 10 artists on the charts should definitely all quit, and that’s without even knowing who any of them are.

Ah, but without the chaff could there be any wheat? Probably not. It’s only by the mediocrity of the many that we recognize the excellence of the few. How would we view Roy Orbison if not for Bobby Darin, The Stooges if not for Grand Funk Railroad, or Patti Smith if not for Patty Smyth? There’s much to be thankful for in this regard, not the least of which is that while most people are busy idolizing some pop phenom they can leave me and my esoteric music tastes the fuck alone.

There is another path to prolonging the agony, by which musicians who were brilliant together decide to go solo, often with disastrous results. The only band to have any success whatsoever with this were the Beatles, and I only grudgingly concede that. Though Lennon and McCartney were both brilliant songwriters, once they split we were forced to listen to their wives sing, so I’d call it a wash.

Worse examples abound. Peter Gabriel had a reasonable solo career, but Genesis’ break-up meant we had to endure Phil Collins. Music karma will never forgive that bastard for the damage he’s inflicted. Snoop Dogg was never as good without Dr. Dre, Perry Ferrell without Dave Navarro, and Peaches without Herb. Just kidding on that last one.

The only thing worse than bad solo albums is when they all tank but the band members still hate each other. This leads to that ultimate musical Frankenstein monster - the supergroup. Only the brilliant mind of a record company executive could come up with the likes of Mike & the Mechanics, Power Station, or the Traveling Wilburys. It’s not that supergroups always suck, it’s just that it’s really hard to capture the original magic.

If this doesn’t work out I suppose there’s always the reunion tour. Of course I’m long tuned out by then. I just don’t understand how anyone can get excited about paying over $100 to go see a geriatric Mick Jagger prance about on stage. Maybe it was cool the first three reunion tours, but they should have a little self respect and hang it up already. There are a lot worse things than being rich and old. You could just be old like the rest of us.